So the race is about 72 hours away. I'm guessing I'll be in the water by now on Sunday.
I'm having MAJOR race nerves. First off, I have learned I've gone up a wave. I was mentally prepared to be 30-34... but now I'm 35-39! It's a different start! A different cap color! A different corral!
Lots of people assume this is about getting older. It's really not. I have a scary age at which I plan to start lying about my age, but so far, I'm aging fantastically well. Just a few silver strands, and I'm waiting to see what they do before I do anything about them, and they are hard to see. No major wrinkles, and all the lasting scars and injuries were honestly gained. (You've heard my bike crash story, right?) So it's really NOT about age.
It's about not being mentally prepared.
And I'm nervous. Not about the race or completion- but about being slow. I so wanted to get BETTER this season, and I'm afraid I'm holding at the same speed I raced at in year's past.
Swimming is a tough one. I've gone from a high of 2:47/100 meters to a low of 1:57/100 meters, and I honestly don't know what I'm swimming at right now. I think it's about 2:00/100 meters, but it's so hard to tell given that I didn't always get the best view of the timing clock. I know that if I work hard, I've been able to catch M's feet, and I've been able to pass a few people in the slow lane. But that's about the extent of my swim sense this year. I do feel like a lot of things have come together, but I haven't RACED in a while. Plus, I'm nervous about the 8-in time trial start.
Bike- well, you know I love my bike. I know that I can finish this course in under 1:30, and usually closer to 1:15-1:20, and I know that an Olympic distance course will take me about 1:30 if it's super hilly. But my group bike rides were so HORRIBLE this summer.
Run- I'm scared that the run is the part I feel most confident with this year. I'm loving my On shoes. They are really comfy. So I don't expect any pain.
Mostly, I'm worried that I'm going to let my nerves and mental preparation get the best of me, and that I'll blow up right when I need to deliver.
I have to let go of my hopes for a good finishing time, and focus on just finishing. I have to let go of the anger and frustration at all the people who will pass me, because I have to do what I can do this year.
I really need to work to remember: those people who are passing me and finishing fast... they probably didn't have e.Coli last year, and they didn't have their internal organs poisoned by bacteria, and they didn't spend months on antibiotics, and they haven't spent the last six months slowly rebuilding their immune system and strength.
I also need to remember that the Idiot Nutritionist really put me into a bad situation. I fired her about a month ago and started with a new coach. With my current nutrition coach who I heart forever, I have actually dropped a few pounds, even without tracking obsessively, but I'm feeling strong and going much faster. Carbs, my love, my carbs. She even gave me a great salad "recipe" that I can put together at a Whole Foods, so I am learning how to put together the right combo of food even on the go. She's given me great, useful recipes, and I have an actual race day nutrition plan, so I don't need to worry about a blow-up bonk. She's focused on whole foods, but she also has tons of experience with people with disordered eating. So she's been helping me deactivate some of the triggers that Idiot Nutritionist reactivated.
Whew. Time to go develop some positive mantras.