So yesterday was what I hope is the last medical test for a while. The new DC doc has gotten all of my medical records and wanted to do one last test which would confirm a diagnosis and see if things had progressed. Spoiler: Yes, and yes. Lesson here, folks: Don't get e.Coli. It will eff you up.
Ultimately, I am on the right medication and my body will, hopefully, continue healing. I kinda hope that after I'm back to normal we might be able to discontinue medication and I can go back to being my normal, healthy-body-through-tofu-and-green-smoothies self. But you know, if this is a permanent thing, then I can live with it. It's a pill, ultimately, and if it gives me some help so I don't have to be so constantly vigilant all the time, then whatever, I'll live.
Better than that, it means I can train normally. Even though right now I'm taking a SECOND rest day in a row. M and I realized last night that we'd been going full tilt without a single day at home for breakfast in a few weeks, so we opted for a "lovely long lie-in". I think I slept nearly 9 ½ hours! So I missed TWO bike rides today, but I also am learning to recognize what aches and pains feel like. I had them yesterday and they are almost gone today. It's weird, learning to recognize what an ache feels like when you've been sick for so long that everything feels like an ache.
I'm learning to recognize what thirst, hunger, and aches feel like. For so long, it was camouflaged by the other issues. Plus, I have a high pain tolerance. So I don't like giving in. Letting an ache rest feels a little like a dozen little giving-ins, every minute I think "Oh, nice weather, I should go for a bike ride!" and then I remember that achy ankle. And it's so hard to "rest" and not think "YOU SLACKER, YOU LAME SLACKER, YOU!" (And then I think maybe it's time to re-sign up for Barre 3, which I really miss doing. I let my subscription lapse while I was in the heavy-recovery phase. But now I need my flexibility and light strength back!)
I did get a referral for a nutritionist, and specifically, for a sports nutritionist. So I want to do that over the next few months. I am learning about the (very annoying) food exchange program but I'd love to have a nutritionist crunch those numbers with me to figure out if it's possible to return to vegetarianism and still get my nutrients AND calories. I know that many people like Brendan Brazier of Thrive and Matt Frasier of No Meat Athlete are fantastic athletes and vegans, and heck, even Hugh Jackman found that a healthy dose of vegan eating helped him while he was training for Wolverine. But all of them are men and none of them had endocrine disorders or insulin resistance. Is vegan/vegetarian training possible for a woman with issues?
Anyway, yesterday, while I was getting the last tests (ultrasounds), the tech was very annoying. For abdominal ultrasounds, you have to drink an off-load of water, and then they spend 15 minutes pressing down on your bladder, after they start the test an hour late. So you already really have to pee and you are already cranky. Trust me on that one.
But then, duh, the ultrasound tech saw some abnormal stuff. I told her I knew I had abnormal structures and stuff in there, and tried to see the screen. She turned the screen away and refused to talk to me.
I know that techs often stop a test, fast-track results to the doc, or stop talking when a patient is going to get badness, but honestly. I TOLD her I knew what was there. I'd already been through the abnormal results, the extra testing, the surgery, the biopsies and all that years ago. There was nothing left that could possibly scare me. I just wanted to see.
Instead, she fast-tracked my results to my doctor, who was casually dropped me an email to confirm that everything was confirmed and to continue on the course of action that we were on. Because we'd discussed that already.
Man, was I annoyed. I hate being out of control like that. It's bad enough the first time, but when you KNOW WHAT'S THERE…
What's kind of funny to me as I write this- years ago (four, I think) when I had the initial round of abnormal test results, I didn't tell very many people. I told my parents a little bit. I talked to an aunt who'd been through something similar. But to most people, I just didn't tell anyone anything. How do you tell people that you have abnormal stuff? Some people talk to the world and want everyone to be praying for them and that sort of thing. I'm a priest, and have worked hospital chaplaincy, so obviously, I do believe in the prayer and faith track of responding to things. But when badness happened to me, I didn't want chaplains, prayers, or anyone, frankly, cooing over me. Perhaps I kind of freaked out, turtle style. Just burrowed into my shell and stayed there until the tests came back. (Thankfully, benign everything, it just needed out.)
I think that's a valid way of responding to things. I would have done reiki or centering prayer, but honestly, what I wanted most was a nice brain clearing bike ride. For all my spending Sunday mornings encased in vestments in a church, I do love being outside and I often feel most at peace and closest to the Great Beyond when outside, far from the city. (Am I a bad priest, because I don't really find God expressed fully to me in church? Even though I believe that community is essential to one's practice of one's faith?) I suppose, shortly after that, I searched for and found my job in Oregon and went away and spent three years riding bikes with fabulous people across the country. I guess it was the finding of a fantastic worshipping community PLUS a fabulous biking community…