Every staff member does a few extra on-calls each month. I usually don't mind them, but right now I really hate on-calls. Remember, I just finished a 9 month stint as a night chaplain and I was quite ready for the days. Being all alone at night- I don't like it. I get lonely, and hungry*, and I dread the pager. Because at night, no one is calling me for anything good.
Enter the ED. The charge RN and I are on this run of black cloud of anti-karma at the moment. The last few shifts we've had together, I've spent most of the night up on multiple deaths. Tonight is no exception. I'm up to 2 so far, both totally unexpected. I'm sick of death and dying right now. I'm tired of mopping up emotional baggage of dsyfunctional or perfectly normal families. I think that out there somewhere there are people for whom the Emergency Room is unusual, or who go to work and think it's normal for everyone to come home O.K. I think that might be a nice life to have some day...
I'm also obsessing over the weather and feeling deeply depressed at the incoming thunderstorms. After last year's dramatic bike crash, I think I am cured of trying to ride events in the rain. (No more rainy rides for me for a while...) And so I have to sleep. Because I have a hot bike date tomorrow and I want to ride. But I'm afraid to tempt karma by turning off the light to catch a nap. I live in fear of this phone going off and calling me to another disaster that wasn't my fault, but that I'll have to mop up after.
*Of course, "hungry" means I will eat anything in sight that is bad for me. Vegetables hold absolutely zero appeal in the midnight hours, and I say that as a vegetarian. In fact, I want a muffin and egg sandwich with bacon, and a side of bacon, with steak fries. And some grapefruit juice... and maybe a bacon martini. Don't we all want bacon at 3AM?