Saturday, June 5, 2010

Lying Awake...

Every staff member does a few extra on-calls each month.  I usually don't mind them, but right now I really hate on-calls.  Remember, I just finished a 9 month stint as a night chaplain and I was quite ready for the days.  Being all alone at night- I don't like it.  I get lonely, and hungry*, and I dread the pager.  Because at night, no one is calling me for anything good.


Enter the ED.  The charge RN and I are on this run of black cloud of anti-karma at the moment.  The last few shifts we've had together, I've spent most of the night up on multiple deaths.  Tonight is no exception.  I'm up to 2 so far, both totally unexpected.  I'm sick of death and dying right now.  I'm tired of mopping up emotional baggage of dsyfunctional or perfectly normal families.  I think that out there somewhere there are people for whom the Emergency Room is unusual, or who go to work and think it's normal for everyone to come home O.K.  I think that might be a nice life to have some day...


I'm also obsessing over the weather and feeling deeply depressed at the incoming thunderstorms.  After last year's dramatic bike crash, I think I am cured of trying to ride events in the rain.  (No more rainy rides for me for a while...) And so I have to sleep.  Because I have a hot bike date tomorrow and I want to ride.  But I'm afraid to tempt karma by turning off the light to catch a nap.  I live in fear of this phone going off and calling me to another disaster that wasn't my fault, but that I'll have to mop up after.


*Of course, "hungry" means I will eat anything in sight that is bad for me.  Vegetables hold absolutely zero appeal in the midnight hours, and I say that as a vegetarian.  In fact, I want a muffin and egg sandwich with bacon, and a side of bacon, with steak fries.  And some grapefruit juice... and maybe a bacon martini.  Don't we all want bacon at 3AM?

2 comments:

audrey said...

it is interesting to me that you feel the exact same way that I did when I did overnight on calls in that windowless, creepy on-call room at HH... too tired to sleep... to freaked out to fall asleep and miss the pager... won't get under the sheets or even undressed... I used to leave the light on, glaring all night... I actually was relieved in those shifts when the pager went off... because I could go work and not worry about when the pager was gonna go off!
I always thought that it was just my CPE inexperience that made me freak out...
Hope you get your ride in today. I have a rainy hike planned.

The Vagabond Priest said...

Nope, Audrey- it's the Creepy Cave. I wish I could kick Dr. Thunder and Lightning out of his crash pad with a window into the Cave.

I bring a sleeping bag with me. I was tramatized in my Texas internship by the Texan Tree Roaches. I only sleep in my own sleeping bag.